wingenvy | (no subject)

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Hey everyone... sorry to the people I talked to last week. I know I must've been pretty confusing while I was sick, huh? But no worries, I'm all better now!

Cloud, Aerith, I know I already said it, but... thanks for taking care of me. And I'm sorry for worrying you.

How's everybody else? Newcomers, are you settling in alright? I know this place can be kind of disorienting at times, but give yourself some time and you'll be fine.

Oh hey, Faize, don't worry about giving back that materia, okay? I don't really need it anymore. Are you having fun with it?

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[That's sweet, Zack. It went left field from what she's worried about after the first three words, but still. She smiles, touching her head to his shoulder.]

You're too sweet.

...You've always made me really happy, you know? Just being here.

[He's got a lot on his shoulders nowadays, but her head isn't heavy at all. The touch makes him smile a little.]

We're lucky to have you here too, Aerith. We need someone to keep us sane.

This place can be pretty stressful, huh? [Understatement.] But we can handle it together.

...Anything you want to talk about?

Yeah, we can. [....Oh boy.]

I'm not... really sure what to say. Heh, this is a first, isn't it?

I don't think I've seen you tongue-tied before. [But she can wait, she knows she's not the best with words herself at times.]

Probably because it never really happens. [But this is hard, so he can't rush into it without thought.]

...I... don't know what I want, Aerith. I wish I had a better answer for you, but I don't. So maybe we could just take it slow? If you're not against it, I mean...

No, that's okay. [That response doesn't take much thought at all; she likes staying with both Zack and Cloud, she doesn't want to do anything that might change that, like rushing Zack. Besides, she needs to adjust herself.]

It's true, a lot's happened! I'm still getting used to you being back. [...possibly too frank.]

Yeah, it makes sense not to rush in blind. It must be really hard for you, coming here with no memories, with us saying you've been here four times already. Anyone would need time to adjust. Besides, it was years ago, and we weren't all that serious, so. [Right. Either that or he's just fooling himself.]

["You were...serious?"
"No, but I liked him for a while."

So funny that she'd told Cloud that herself. Told herself they weren't serious all the time. The thought made it easier to deal first with his disappearance, and then his death. He'd been out there, happy, living it up; she shouldn't feel sorry for herself because she hadn't lost anything, couldn't lose what you never had.

Getting told that by Zack now makes her laugh out loud because isn't he looking at her? How can he even say that?]

Right, right.

...I'm out of hot chocolate. Time to make some more~ You want any?

[....Maybe that was the wrong thing to say. But she agreed so easily, so it must be true, right? Cloud had said she'd brushed it off, but he'd been so sure she hadn't meant it. It was probably good to know the truth from her own mouth at last.

He'd always thought knowing would make him feel better, though.]

...No thanks. I think I'm full up.

Okay. [She rises to get up, but she only takes a few steps before remembering something.]

...You're lying. Or you lied earlier.

[She turns back to face him, and now she's upset because she's not sure when he was lying, but either way it's struck far too close to home.] Zack, you are such a jerk.

[Oh crap.] Wh... what? Lying... but I...

[Why does she look so angry? She agreed, didn't she? She even laughed? So why...?]

You said. You said you went to Midgar to see me, why would you do such a stupid thing if we weren't serious? Even if we were serious!

I... it wasn't stupid! [Except it was; probably even more stupid than going to Gongaga, or anywhere that Shinra had control over.] I couldn't think of where else I could go!

Shinra Headquarters, Zack, there's no way you could have thought--

[But there's nothing she can tell him about that which he doesn't already know, right? He died trying to get to Midgar, lecturing him about it would just be callous.]

...so you ran out of options.

[Zack hesitates for a long moment, eyes pained and lowered. Just what was she getting at?]

...I won't lie. I went to Midgar to see you... because I promised. I said I'd come back. Even if... if you didn't want me anymore, I had to apologize.

...and we weren't serious? [It's not adding up for her.] Why not?

I... I don't know. [Stupid, stupid, it makes no sense. After five years they were still devoted to each other, waiting for each other, how could it be anything but serious?] ...I just didn't want to assume, after all that time...

[This gets another dry laugh from her, and she fingers a fold of her dress.] I...don't see where you need to assume.

[She bites her lip for a few seconds, thinking out what she wants to tell him.] I don't mind taking it slow because it's been a while. You've had a lot to deal with, and...I've had a few things of my own. And maybe you've changed a little, and maybe I've changed, and maybe it won't work out.

...That doesn't change how I feel about you. I mi--[Voice, stay level.]--missed you.

[That one hurts, but it's a huge relief at the same time.] ...I... missed you too. A lot.

[Stop shaking, Zack, you're not helping things any.]

[She hadn't meant to get him upset, so seeing him shaking has her heading back to the couch.]

Zack...

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. [Zack shakes his head, bowing it and rubbing a hand through his hair.] I lied. I thought it would be easier...

...It's okay. [She hugs him, a little clumsily, looking downward rather than at him.] I lied back when I first met Cloud. I told him we hadn't been serious. It made things...a little easier.

...I definitely don't think you're a jerk.

[The hug is a comfort he'd never refuse, so he holds her back, trying not to cling. It's like when Angeal died all over again - when the world's crashing down all around him, she's his center, his support. And he knows it isn't something easily dismissed.]

It's not that easy, though. Lying just makes it worse.... so I won't lie again.

[When he hugs back, the gesture becomes more natural for her and she squeezes a little. Nice thing about dating a SOLDIER: you never really have to worry you might be hugging too tight.]

...No, it's not easy. And...mm. [She's starting to run out of words, but it doesn't feel like she'll ever run out of emotion.] Please don't.

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