wingenvy | [Voice/Action]

[Yes, good for Zack too. Very, very good for Zack. |D His mind'll be roaming about in the realm of infinite bliss for a while, oh yes. Almost done down there?]

[Yes, which is why Cloud's going to scramble for a sense of self and do the dumbest thing he's ever done EVER.]

S-stop. Wait, stop.

[Nnf nnf nnf n- wait wait WHAT STOPPING]

Wh... wha... what...?

[...well he stopped; Cloud was half ~~hoping~~ expecting him not to.

...now he's trying to remember why he told Zack to stop OH YEAH. He reaches up and grips Zack's hair, hands shaking. Oh Holy he wants them to finish this, probably just as bad as Zack, but with the first part of this done he wants to finish this up, even if it totally kills the mood. This is important.

He swallows, trying to organize his thoughts even as the rest of his body's like "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU."]

Zack- listen to me because this is important. [...and really difficult with him RIGHT THERE and SO CLOSE and oh my God this was such a fucking stupid idea-

But if he doesn't say it now...he never will. And they'll never be okay again.]

Never, ever make my decisions for me again.

[Zack's voice is a little breathless as he responds, and definitely more than a little strained. Now? He wants to talk about this now?]

... What?

Edited 2009-08-04 04:50 (UTC)

[GODDAMMIT ZACK you were just supposed to be like "okay" and keep going! Now Cloud has to scrape together some intelligence to explain himself.

...no fuck that.]

Just say "okay Cloud whatever you say" and keep going.

[What. No. You don't just- no.]

I'm not some kinda engine, Spike. I can't just stop and go at will.

[Is that so?]

Then roll us over and I'll do it for you.

[....Glare.]

No. ...Why the hell did you do that?

[And God damn it all, Cloud has to answer. His fingers curl into fists in Zack's hair and his hands are shaking for more than one reason now.]

Because we weren't okay, all right?

[Zack jerks back at that, brows furrowing. He's not hurt - after what he did he's not really sure he has a right to be, no matter what Cloud might do - but he's painfully confused, and after a moment he starts to withdraw.]

I don't get it. What was all this, then? Some kind of test?

[That makes Cloud grab frantically at Zack's back to keep him from leaving, words pouring out in a frantic rush.]

No- yes- for me, not you, but don't go- I don't know, don't leave-

[Zack sighs faintly, giving Cloud's hair a little ruffle and just sort of flopping down against him, face buried to his neck.]

I wasn't gonna leave. Just... feels kinda weird, you know? Starting up again after that...

[As if he wasn't already guilty enough. He'd thought he had been forgiven, so why was it so urgent that it couldn't wait 30 seconds, after they'd finished?]

Sorry. [Cloud mumbles into his hair, arms still around Zack's back and shoulders. Why, why didn't he wait? Sure, there was something final about it -like if they'd finished, that would be like promising they were okay- but it wasn't a big deal. He could've waited.

Or he could've said something before they started. Stupid, stupid Cloud.]

[Augh. And now Zack feels kind of bad again. He can't really help that getting scolded is one hell of a turn-off, and now that it's said and done, he sort of wishes he hadn't stopped at all. But that wouldn't be right, either.

...What a mess. He winds an arm around Cloud's waist, resting there and wondering what to do. Should he pull back so they can talk it out without the awkward "gtfo of me" business? Are they going to fight? Would Cloud even let him go?]

[As if Cloud hadn't thrown enough cold water over them, he opens his mouth again.]

...do you care more about Aerith than you do me?

[And Zack jerks back again at that. He can't even think of a proper response to that, he's so incredulous that Cloud would even think to ask.]

[Cloud lets him go this time, but doesn't back down. He pushes himself up on his elbows, and tries to school his features so that he doesn't look like some pathetic wounded dog, even if that's what he feels like. He'd been thinking about this nonstop since he got his memories back.]

If it was for my sake...you could've just convinced me. Or talked to me about it again. We only talked once- once. I knew I was forgetting stuff, it's not like I didn't know.

But you were in such a hurry after I forgot her. I'm not saying...I'm not saying it's okay that I did, but you didn't get frantic until I did. ...and you- [It's unspoken, but Zack can probably tell what it is. "And you let him take me." Cloud's shaking again, for entirely different reasons.

It makes sense, in his little self-loathing head. It makes perfect sense.]

Edited 2009-08-04 07:43 (UTC)

[Zack pulls back, moving to sit on the edge of the bed. He's tense, so much that he's shaking, and he doesn't try to fight it; he's not even sure if he wants to. He's got a mantra running through his head a mile a minute - don't get angry, don't get angry, don't get angry... and it's not working.]

I already told you why I did it. And I know it was stupid, and it wasn't fair to you. I know it was a mistake. If you want to keep holding it against me, that's fine- I deserve that. But don't use it as fodder to doubt me, or worse, yourself. Because that has nothing to do with it.

[Don't get angry, don't get angry, don't get angry...]

[Cloud rolls onto his side, and his hand fists in the sheets. Like a snowball rolling downhill.]

You left me behind. Tifa had to pick me up and take me and the boys to her place like I was some kind of stray, because I couldn't remember why I let you leave. It's not her job to look after me anymore. It's not your job either, but it's even less hers.

It's because you had her that I went with Aerith. Your first instinct is to run to Tifa anyway, so what the hell was I supposed to think would happen?

[Don't get angry don't get angry don't get angry]

You think it was an easy choice? How do you suppose Aerith would've felt if I'd stayed with you and let her leave by herself? She was really hurt, Cloud!

My first instinct is to run to Tifa? [Cloud slides off the other side of the bed, standing up.]

[Oh sure, now he's the angry one? Zack doesn't move, still trying not to RAEG.]

Are we gonna talk or are you just going to stomp off in a huff or something?

[Cloud grabs a pillow and hurls it at the back of Zack's head for emphasis.]

If my first instinct is to run to Tifa, then why the hell would I come back here with you?!

[Oi, pillow. What are you, twelve?]

That's not even the same thing!

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]